I'm Too Sexy
by Selphie-chan
Summary: Irvine dances to an old Right Said Fred song while Selphie isn't home


I'm Too Sexy  
  
A Final Fantasy VIII songfic starring Irvine Kinneas!!!  
  
Disclaimer and whatnot:  
I don't own any of the FF8 characters, and I don't own this song. They are all the respective property of their rightful owners. That having been said, don't sue me! I'm so broke it wouldn't be worth the lawyer' fees!  
  
Irvine pulled out his copy of the key to Selphie's apartment and unlocked the door.   
"Selphie?" He called to an empty room.  
"Hey Selph, you home?"  
He made his way to the living room and reached for the remote, only to find a note taped to it. He pulled it off, leaving a sticky residue.  
"Dear Irvy," He read aloud, "Went shopping with Rinoa, I'll be back later tonight. Help yourself to anything to eat except the cake on the coffee table!! -Hugs and kisses, Selphie."  
Looking up form the note, a wide grin spread across his face. He threw off his coat and raced towards the bedroom, leaving a trail of the rest of his clothing. He belly flopped onto the bed in his boxers and hat and leaned over the side, feeling around with one hand.  
"Got it!"   
He pulled out a smallish box and emptied its contents onto the bed. He quickly pulled on a pair of nut-crunching leather pants and a kinky sort of bondage shirt. Irvine grabbed the black cassette tape and ran back to the living room.  
"She won't be back for awhile. What a perfect opportunity!" He thought aloud.  
He jammed the cassette into Selphie's stereo system and pressed play. Moving to the coffee table, he moved the cake to the couch and swept off the rest of the contents with his arm, then jumped on top. He struck a pose as a loud beat blasted forth.  
I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt  
He strutted to the end of the table and literally ripped his shirt off leaving him clad only in nut-crunching leather pants and cowboy hat.  
So sexy it hurts  
He licked one of his fingers and ran it down his bare chest.  
And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan  
He reached over to the globe on Selphie's end table and stroked it lovingly, then struck another pose.  
And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party  
He swung his hips to the beat, letting his hands wander over his chest.  
No way I'm disco dancing  
Pelvic thrust. ^_^  
I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Irvine struts down the coffee table saucily and turns, both hands on his hips, throwing a "come hither" look over his shoulder.  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk  
He repeats his last action, now strutting to the opposite end.  
I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car  
He straddles the table then lays back on it, leaving himself exposed and vulnerable.  
Too sexy by far  
He jumps up, hands on his ass, doing a little twist.  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Tips his hat seductively.  
Too sexy for my hat, what do you think about that  
Sweeps his hat off of his head in one quick motion and tosses at the couch, only to have it land in the aforementioned cake.  
I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk  
He lets his hair down and shakes it loose, then tosses it over his shoulder and blows a little kiss in the same direction.  
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah, I shake my little touché on the catwalk  
Again, he maneuvers himself to the end of the coffee table, then places his hand on his knees and shakes his little touché. He's completely ignorant to the sound of a door unlocking.  
And I'm too sexy for this song  
He strikes a finishing pose, one hand on his hips, his long tresses cascading over his shoulders and back, a saucy look on his face. The door burst open, and immediately Selphie and Rinoa froze in the doorway. Selphie protectively placed a hand over Rinoa's eyes, looking down to see Rinoa and Squall's anniversary cake on the couch, ruined. Irvine ran into the bathroom and locked himself in, as Selphie pounded and scratched at the door.  
"Dammit, Irvy, I told you NOT to touch the cake! Just wait 'til I get in there!!"  
Rinoa stood in the doorway, looking confused.  
  
Owari  



End file.
